“Smile. Your smile lights up a room.” It was more than 20 years ago and I had been going through a difficult time. The stress was starting to show on my face. One of my mentors took me aside and she said: ” Smile, your smile could charm a ratbat!”

Even though I had never encountered a ‘ratbat’ it made me smile immediately to know that my smile was so powerful… I have taken this lesson to heart and have never forgotten these words. I smile regularly and teach others to do the same.

I have traveled to countries in Asia where I was told people don’t normally interact with ‘foreigners’. Yet I made friends simply by walking down the street wearing a smile on my face.

Several of my Asian friends later told me they had never approached a westerner on the street before meeting me. They felt intimidated to do so but somehow I seemed friendly because of my smile. And my smile put them at ease.

As a  former teacher to International students I often heard from my students that my smile made them feel comfortable. But the secret I never shared with them that I’m sharing with you is I came to learn that my smile makes me better looking. 

Here’s a secret for women: if you wear a smile more often you may find you don’t need as much make-up. You may even appear younger than your age. How is that for a fountain of youth tip?

Here are some exercises to get you smiling…

-Before you get out of bed in the morning visualize a pleasant memory.

Hold something in your mind that puts a smile on your face. Keep that memory in front of you as you go through your day.

-Make eye contact with yourself in the mirror then smile. Smile at yourself in the mirror every chance you get. Smile with people you never smiled at before. Smile with those you interact with in your daily encounters.

-If visualizing doesn’t work for you, place a picture of something fun on your night table. In the morning, as you prepare to get out of bed to start your day take a look at that picture and smile.

- Keep a picture that holds fond memories in your wallet and at

intervals during your day take it out, look at it and smile.

Try these exercise every day for at least 90 days! Observe the difference they make to your life.

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There’s a saying I grew up with as a child: “Ungrateful worse than obeah.”
It means that living in a state of ingratitude for life, your situation, your circumstances is going to keep you locked into your difficulties…

It doesn’t mean that we never complained but whenever we did the elders would remind us to snap out of it with this proverb. Otherwise we were creating more difficulties for ourselves. And we quickly learned from this wise saying. I know I certainly did.

There’s a story about an enchanted forest and the animals around it. A wise old owl stood as the gatekeeper to this forest. It was a place that many animals dreamed of.

It was magical and beautiful with lots of water, thick lush foliage. Word had spread through the animal kingdom that life was beautiful for the animals who lived there. What they didn’t know was the password to get into this forest.

Each animal that came was asked: What was it like where you came from?” If the animal answered: “It was terrible.” The owl would say: “It’s the same here. Terrible place, the animals are unkind to each other, there’s very little food and water. You’d better go back to your old forest.” And the owl wouldn’t let them in.

If the animal answered: “The forest where I lived was a beautiful place…” The wise old owl would answer: “Well you’re going to like it here. That’s exactly what it’s like in this forest. Would you like to enter?”

What’s the difference? Attitude. This story reminds us that when we complain about a situation we get locked into that very situation by our own words. In the same way when we appreciate our situation, we get a better one.

1. Every morning when you awake, before you go rushing off into the day, take a few minutes to think about what’s good in your life e.g. your health, the people you love, people who love you etc.

2. Every day find something and or things to be grateful for. Feeling gratitude lifts your spirits.

3. Express appreciation to those close to you. Notice when they do something right and tell them about it. You will feel better about yourself too!

4. End your day reflecting on all that’s good in your life. It’ll help you sleep better and give you peaceful feelings.

Try these exercises for the next 90 days.

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Addressing conflict can be challenging for many of us. Many times we either ‘fight’ or ‘fly’ depending on how we were raised and how we saw our families of origin deal with issues. ‘Fighting’ and ‘flying’ both lead to alienation and these are  aggressive and passive responses respectively.

When we are passive in dealing with conflict we may feel powerless to change what we consider a ‘hostile dynamic’ so we react by withdrawing, retreating or hiding. This often results in blocks to communication. On the other side of the spectrum by acting aggressively to address conflict we react in a way that’s scary and intimidating to others. As a result we stand to alienate the people we’re interacting with.

One of the most empowering ways I know to communicate around conflict is by using assertive behaviors. Using assertive strategies allows us to respond rather than react and we build mutual respect and intimacy rather than alienation.

Becoming assertive requires a very conscious shift in our mindset. We must first recognize that we have rights. This is fundamental to changing unhealthy relationship dynamics and will allow us to gain the respect we desire in our relationships.

 1. Recognize your rights. You have the right to:

*Be treated with respect

*Express your own opinion, feelings, thoughts

*Say no

*Decide for yourself what you want

*Make mistakes

*Be yourself

2. Assess what’s happening. Determine how to respond assertively rather than react to the situation. Whenever possible take a deep breath, think about what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. Where possible, write down what you’re planning to say and practice. It’s best to discuss the issue with the other person when you’re calm and in control of your emotions.

3. Express how you feel using “I statements”. Take responsibility for your own feelings. For example, “I feel upset when you shout at me.”

4. Focus on future action instead of on the situation that just occurred. For example, “In future I would like you to speak to me in a calm voice.”

5. If you feel you’re still not being heard, you may try the technique of ‘escalating’.

Use your hand like a stop sign, stand in your power and in a firm voice say: “I would like you to stop…” Pause for effect.

-If you’re still not being heard say something like: “I have asked you to stop and it seems you’re not listening. If you choose to continue I’m going to be forced to ….” (leave the room, stop communicating with you until you are willing to be respectful, etc). Choose an action that makes sense in the situation and follow through with what you say you’re going to do if you’re not being heard.

6. Seek Respect. Your goal is not to be liked. It’s to be respected. Once you understand this you can begin to express your feelings and open the lines of communication with people you interact with. This creates greater intimacy and mutual respect in your relationships…

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It’s been said the number one regret people have when they lay on their death beds is that they took their lives too seriously. In other words they didn’t play enough. That’s pretty darn serious, isn’t it? So can you afford not to play? If you spend all your life working without taking time to play that could be you…

Did you realize that the Disneylands and Disneyworlds are filled with adults because these are the few places we give ourselves permission to play as adults?

But you don’t have to wait for that once in a lifetime dream trip to Disneyworld to have fun.

You could start at home or wherever you choose and you could make it as often as once a week or more if you choose.

Some of us learned it wasn’t okay to play as kids. Speaking for myself that was my life. Until I grew up and recognized that the little girl inside was always going to be a little girl who needs play and laughter. So now I have a life that includes playtime. I love to play in the sand so I bought me a sand box-a little one that holds pride of place in my little sanctuary area.

Taking time to play has many benefits like making you younger, happier, and more creative. It helps relieve stress and helps our relationships thrive. One of my clients says: “It makes us less crabby.”

So take some time to play.

Make note in your planner to have a play date this week.

Take a half-hour or hour if you choose of undisturbed time.

Reflect on what you used to love to do as a child.

Do one fun thing this week and every week for the next three months.

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