As women we love to be of service to others. It’s great but it gets to be a problem when we say yes at the drop of a hat and put everybody else’s needs ahead of our own and they turn around and take us for granted. Or we allow others to treat us with disrespect and we say nothing.
Your intention may be good but these behaviours leave you feeling resentful and keep you from truly making the kind of impact you’re here to make.
The problem is that nobody taught us to do this very important thing which empowers us to take back our time and our energy. It’s all about setting clear boundaries without feeling guilty.
Are you frustrated because you know you’re being taken for granted but you don’t know how to stop saying yes when you really want to say no?
Do you feel resentful that people disrespect you but you haven’t gathered the courage to open your mouth and say something?
1. The big belief that keeps women stuck here is this one:
“You’re okay but I’m not okay.” In other words, the other person is more important than I am.
When I learned this some 20 odd years ago in an Assertiveness training class I was blown away. I didn’t realize that this was the message I was sending every time I allowed people to take me for granted and to treat me with disrespect.
The key to getting out of this is to change this belief to:
“I’m okay, you’re okay.” In other words, my needs are just as important as another person’s.
2. There’s no need to justify or explain why you’re saying NO. Just say No.
We’ve been socialized as women to be nice and there’s a perception that if we say no to people without an explanation we’re going to hurt their feelings and if we hurt their feelings we’re going to lose. We’re going to lose love, our jobs, our friendships, relationships, our minds, fill in the blank.
Tip: If you keep saying yes to things that don’t serve you, you’re going to lose Yourself. Your very life and light depend on your learning to stand up for yourself and say no.
3. Start practicing saying “No” before you need to. Do it in front of the mirror, use a chair as a prop, etc. Say “No” to something you may really want to say yes to, just to get the feel of it. Notice that the world doesn’t fall apart when you do. It may feel strange at first but the more you exercise your “No muscles” the stronger you’ll get. You can do it!