It’s already Day Three of the Empowered Women Teleretreat series and how spectacular the past two days have been…  We’ve had the pleasure of learning from amazing experts on self-empowerment, business, image and health and wellness.
Day one opened with International Empowerment Speaker Catrice Jackson offering up a delectable serving of the Seven Laws of Delicious Living Success. What a treat!

Catrice suggests that you continue the conversation to summon your own genius. As you move through this process the answers will come. She recommends starting your day off with it or using it any day or time when you feel stuck.

According to Catrice, these are the guiding principles she’s created to facilitate change. They include: take control of your life, dream big, master your mindset and quit living in fear and doubt.
One of my favourite points is the idea of taking control of your life. By that she suggests, you need to own it, embrace it and choose it. When you take responsibility for your life you become the screenwriter, director and producer of your life. WHat that means is, you decide who gets to be in Your movie. Isn’t that fun and liberating? And you can decide “No more, I’m not letting other people choose for me.”

If  you get stuck along the way one of the tools she recommends is conversational journaling. This strategy allows you to access your inner wisdom instead of seeking answers from outside yourself. To get started take out a piece of paper, find a quiet place to be with yourself without the distractions. Two important points to consider, the conversation is going to be between Me and Self. Don’t overanalyze.
Your first line is Me: Dear Self, can I talk with you for a moment?
Next line: Self: I’m always here for you.
Me: I’m feeling stuck right now. I don’t know what to do…

Catrice suggests that you continue the conversation to summon your own genius. As you move through this process the answers will come. She recommends starting your day off with it or using it any day or time when you feel stuck.

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Recently I tuned in to an interview with Kim Kiyosaki which got my attention. Kim said there was a recent article in The Economist which stated that the next big economic boom is not China, India or the Internet. Instead it’s Empowering Women because in times of economic crisis it’s the women who rise up and take action…

It led me to reflect on the recent changes to the self growth industry. In 2006, Rhonda Byrnes birthed The Secret and the personal development field was changed forever in terms of those bringing us the information.

Suddenly, almost overnight, we were exposed to leaders in the fields of personal growth and self development who reflected us… Here was Loral Langemeier, then a single mother AND business tycoon, and Lisa Nichols, a black woman who talked about how she overcame internalized racism.

Watching The Secret allowed us to ask ourselves some deep questions.

You see, the Secret was the beginning of a New Day, both in media, and more importantly on our planet! Women are coming into their power, and as we do, we lift our families, our communities, and our nations higher!

Think about it: if a society of mothers and grandmothers was running the planet, do you think we may have experienced more peace, prosperity and stability as a group these past few hundred years?

I think so!  Women are nurturers by nature. They build relationships and foster growth and development.

Can you see how women of all nations reclaiming their power is good for the planet?

I think so!

This is a new time for the planet, and it’s a time for women to rise! So whether you are a woman, or you’ve always envisioned a society that allows women to be empowered, NOW IS YOUR TIME~

We’ve got an 11-Woman Empowerment panel covering 11 sessions on 11 different topics. That’s 11 Life Changing Moments!

And we welcome men to get involved. In fact, as a man by participating in this event, you will be opening yourself to a positive future for all of the women in your life, and for yourself.

Now is your chance to advance. And if you join us ,you will look back on this day years later, and be thankful that you made this choice. To rise, stand in your power and to fully step into your greatness!

Register for The EMPOWERED WOMEN TELERETREAT today!http://mpowerurself.com/the-empowered-women-teleretreat-series It runs January 31 to February 9 2011!
Lorna Blake is a thought leader who specializes in empowering women. She has personally interviewed some of the top women leaders in many areas of personal growth and self-development. From financial empowerment and investment, to parenting, health and wellness, relationships to business, personal empowerment and mindset mastery.

She’s  partnered with Catrice Jackson, International Empowerment Speaker, to create a platform, open up a sacred forum and bring  a life-changing series starting January 31, 2011.

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One of the most important skills we need to develop in order to be happy is how to ask for what we want. Yet most of us never learn.

Others think they’ll lose the things that are important to them – friendships, relationships, job etc.

Still, nothing seems to create more frustration and stress internally than feeling powerless to ask for what you want. So it’s really important to know how to do it.

You may be asking why do we need this skill. The reason is we live in a world where there is an imbalance where our rights are concerned. Some people don’t know they have rights, some who know are afraid to speak up for their rights and the third group seems to trample on the rights of others to make themselves look good.

That’s why it’s critical for you to understand that you have rights and to know what they are. It’s a long list so I wont bore you with them all but here are some of them.

You have the right to: ask for what you want, express your own opinion, say no, decide for yourself what’s best for you, think about what you’re being asked before you respond…

Next, respect yourself. In other words don’t say yes when deep down you really mean no. It will create stress, frustration and anxiety deep down inside you. And you’ll be mad at yourself, may even beat up on yourself and hate or dislike yourself.

Be consistent. People respect those who are consistent. When you take on a responsibility and you turn down other people’s offers for help, commit to follow through and get it done without complaining. Your saying yes and rejecting help sends a message that you can handle the task at hand. So if you suddenly feel upset (in the midst of carrying out this particular responsibility) and decide to blow off steam because your needs aren’t being met, those who bear the brunt of your anger may perceive you as being insincere. That you can’t even make up your mind what you really want. And guess what?  They’re not likely to take you seriously.

So here are some steps to stop this vicious cycle or even to untangle yourself from it.

• 1. Stop. Get clear on what you need by asking yourself: “What do I need from this person, in this situation or at this time?”
• 2. Say no to things you don’t want to do.
• 3. Accept help when it’s being offered.
• 4. Write down what’s bothering you before you have “that talk” with the other person.
• 5. Have regular conversations when you bring up your wants and needs in a non-threatening way.
• 6. Practice what you’re going to say and how to say it using “I” statements.

 Don’t wait until you’ve had it up to your neck before you have a talk about what’s bothering you.

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Addressing conflict can be challenging for many of us. Many times we either ‘fight’ or ‘fly’ depending on how we were raised and how we saw our families of origin deal with issues. ‘Fighting’ and ‘flying’ both lead to alienation and these are  aggressive and passive responses respectively.

When we are passive in dealing with conflict we may feel powerless to change what we consider a ‘hostile dynamic’ so we react by withdrawing, retreating or hiding. This often results in blocks to communication. On the other side of the spectrum by acting aggressively to address conflict we react in a way that’s scary and intimidating to others. As a result we stand to alienate the people we’re interacting with.

One of the most empowering ways I know to communicate around conflict is by using assertive behaviors. Using assertive strategies allows us to respond rather than react and we build mutual respect and intimacy rather than alienation.

Becoming assertive requires a very conscious shift in our mindset. We must first recognize that we have rights. This is fundamental to changing unhealthy relationship dynamics and will allow us to gain the respect we desire in our relationships.

 1. Recognize your rights. You have the right to:

*Be treated with respect

*Express your own opinion, feelings, thoughts

*Say no

*Decide for yourself what you want

*Make mistakes

*Be yourself

2. Assess what’s happening. Determine how to respond assertively rather than react to the situation. Whenever possible take a deep breath, think about what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. Where possible, write down what you’re planning to say and practice. It’s best to discuss the issue with the other person when you’re calm and in control of your emotions.

3. Express how you feel using “I statements”. Take responsibility for your own feelings. For example, “I feel upset when you shout at me.”

4. Focus on future action instead of on the situation that just occurred. For example, “In future I would like you to speak to me in a calm voice.”

5. If you feel you’re still not being heard, you may try the technique of ‘escalating’.

Use your hand like a stop sign, stand in your power and in a firm voice say: “I would like you to stop…” Pause for effect.

-If you’re still not being heard say something like: “I have asked you to stop and it seems you’re not listening. If you choose to continue I’m going to be forced to ….” (leave the room, stop communicating with you until you are willing to be respectful, etc). Choose an action that makes sense in the situation and follow through with what you say you’re going to do if you’re not being heard.

6. Seek Respect. Your goal is not to be liked. It’s to be respected. Once you understand this you can begin to express your feelings and open the lines of communication with people you interact with. This creates greater intimacy and mutual respect in your relationships…

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I often meet people who ask my advice on this very question. It’s a very challenging issue for those of us who were taught that our role is to cater to everyone else’s needs, never speak up for our rights and always say yes to whatever you’re asked to do.

This is especially challenging for many women. In order to set boundaries you’re going to have to learn to say no. It becomes challenging to say “No” when your whole life you’ve been nodding, smiling and responding with “Yes” to everything. 

I’m not pointing the finger at you. I’m talking about myself here. I came from a home where I was taught to be a nice person. I was taught to put everybody’s needs ahead of my own. What I knew how to do really well was to please everybody, suck up to people, take whatever they were dishing out and I couldn’t understand why I always felt so unhappy.

That’s because I wasn’t pleasing myself. It means that no matter how good I made someone else feel I was making me feel bad.

So to overcome this challenge you have to first recognize these inalienable rights:

*You are an individual with your own rights and needs!

*You are worthy of love and respect!

*You have the right to live a happy life!

*You have the right to say no to someone or something without giving a reason or excuse

Saying no to other people’s agendas or programs allows us to focus on our own agendas and programs. It allows us to put our needs about the needs of others. It gives us peace of mind where we may otherwise find ourselves feeling stressed and anxious because we’ve said yes to so many things we can’t keep up with our commitment to ourselves.

To learn how to say no takes practice, practice, practice

1. Start by saying no to little things in situations that are not very intimidating or threatening, e.g. something your friend asked you to do for her/him. Say no.

2. Whenever you’re asked to do something, recognize there’s no pressure to respond immediately. Then say something like: “I’d like to think about this and get back to you”

3. Next, check in with yourself. Ask yourself: “Do I really want to do this?’

4. If the answer is no. Respond by saying something like: ” I’ve had a chance to think about this and I’ve decided not to.”

The first time you do this you may surprise yourself at how empowered you feel! Practice saying No over the next 90 days. It may save you lots of stress and,  you never know, maybe even some money too.

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Ever heard the saying: “You teach people how to treat you”?

It’s true. It’s evident by what you’re willing or not willing to tolerate in your relationships…

Many years ago I became friends with a wonderful lady who was like a mother to me. She was very kind and loving to everyone so I couldn’t understand why her adult children treated her with such disrespect.  They openly put her down even in the presence of strangers. And the more they disrespected her, the harder she worked to seek their love and approval.

It really bothered me to see what was going on.  I thought it was all her children’s fault that they were so disrespectful.  Back then I hadn’t yet learned how to Communicate to Get Respect.

 Here’s how you get respect.

First, be aware that you have rights as an individual.

Second, acknowledge your rights.

Assertive people know they have the right to:

·      Be treated with respect

·      Express their own opinion, feelings, thoughts

·      Say no

·      Decide for themselves what they want

·      Make mistakes

·      Be themselves

Third, begin to ask for respect. Express how you feel using “I statements”. Take responsibility for your own feelings.  For example, “I feel upset when you shout at me.”

Fourth, focus on future action instead of on the situation that just occurred.  For example, “In future I would like you to speak to me in a calm voice.”

 Fifth, whenever possible take a deep breath, think about what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it.  Where possible, write down what you’re planning to say and practice.  Discuss the problem with the other person when you’re calm and in control of your emotions.

Seek Respect.  Your goal is not to be liked.  It’s to be respected. 

When you don’t express your opinion on how you want to be treated, you close the lines of communication between yourself and others.  This results in a build-up of anger, resentment and frustration toward others. This is hazardous to your health and your relationships.

On the other hand when you begin to express your feelings in a calm manner you open up the lines of communication between you and the people you interact with. This creates greater intimacy, involvement and mutual respect in your relationships. Great for your health and your relationships.

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