Ever heard the saying: “You teach people how to treat you”?
It’s true. It’s evident by what you’re willing or not willing to tolerate in your relationships…
Many years ago I became friends with a wonderful lady who was like a mother to me. She was very kind and loving to everyone so I couldn’t understand why her adult children treated her with such disrespect. They openly put her down even in the presence of strangers. And the more they disrespected her, the harder she worked to seek their love and approval.
It really bothered me to see what was going on. I thought it was all her children’s fault that they were so disrespectful. Back then I hadn’t yet learned how to Communicate to Get Respect.
Here’s how you get respect.
First, be aware that you have rights as an individual.
Second, acknowledge your rights.
Assertive people know they have the right to:
· Be treated with respect
· Express their own opinion, feelings, thoughts
· Say no
· Decide for themselves what they want
· Make mistakes
· Be themselves
Third, begin to ask for respect. Express how you feel using “I statements”. Take responsibility for your own feelings. For example, “I feel upset when you shout at me.”
Fourth, focus on future action instead of on the situation that just occurred. For example, “In future I would like you to speak to me in a calm voice.”
Fifth, whenever possible take a deep breath, think about what you’re going to say and how you’re going to say it. Where possible, write down what you’re planning to say and practice. Discuss the problem with the other person when you’re calm and in control of your emotions.
Seek Respect. Your goal is not to be liked. It’s to be respected.
When you don’t express your opinion on how you want to be treated, you close the lines of communication between yourself and others. This results in a build-up of anger, resentment and frustration toward others. This is hazardous to your health and your relationships.
On the other hand when you begin to express your feelings in a calm manner you open up the lines of communication between you and the people you interact with. This creates greater intimacy, involvement and mutual respect in your relationships. Great for your health and your relationships.